Self Made Family

One of the advantages of getting out into the world early is meeting tons of people and in my life it's been a virtual merry-go-round of good people, interesting people, complete morons, down right crazy people and sub humanoids.

One of the most fortunate things to ever happen to me was the chance meeting of my very best good friend Michelle :D We met in a lame high school drama class and developed a very close bond that some have called co-dependent (but they're just jealous) We have been through some serious shit together and I would burn a bitch AND her kids alive inside their house for this girl, What I'm trying to say is don't fuck with my best friend.

My BFF can easily take the place of 6 or 7 maybe even 55 family members so maybe thats why when my extra flaky family decides to act out it doesn't devastate me so much as just wear me out and make me want to knock heads together.

I wish everybody was as lucky as I have been in life to have real people stand by them. Some people are surrounded by 700 Judases and zero ride or die bitches ( HA! HA! Yeah I called you that!) I have Shell who for, I can't even began to mention my affection and, how many times she has saved my life. My Jerkface cousin Shawn who has pulled me through some shit and had to listen to whine and beg him to help me run away/talk me down countless times in my younger days (Also how did he not strangle me in missouri??) and of course my husband who I swear has to be sent by some weird god of mercy. He is the most unbelieveably close thing you can to the perfect husband and I'm not bullshitting. Sometimes I just look at him and think what the fuck??? I mean he's still a Jackass, he's a man but come on.... I had to do something right, somewhere to get him.

Anyway I just wanted to give love to my supporting cast, the people always there when i'm in shambles. There are others too but these three have been there for decades and Still trudge on. They deserve a Medal. Much Love Bros

Personality flaws

I am a bitch. I intefer entirely to much in other people's lives. People want me to listen to their problems, hear about their issues, they ask for advice BUT they really don't want to hear the truth. They just want me to listen. I always want to help them the problem is, they don't want my help. They want to continue to be in the same situation that they are in, they just want me to listen them go on and on about their horrible predicament.


This confuses me, mostly because when I'm calling to bitch to someone I'm looking for solutions (not always help in a physical form but advice or comfort or someone to bitch alongside with me) They have a term for this -----> ASKHOLES people who are always asking for help but never take your advice and then get pissed off when you call them on it.


I deal with askholes ALL the time... It is exhausting and in the end I always feel stupid, used and like a bitch. I end up losing friends and even family members over this because I eventually wind up having enough and calling them out on this super annoying behavior. They never appreciate it when you tell them you have told them 50 times before do the something and it would solve the problem and you are not going to listen to it anymore.

Anyway I run into so many of  these people I'm starting to wonder if they are the norm and if I am the one who has something wrong with me. Perhaps I AM a complete bitch and I should just listen to people drone on and on about the same easily solved issue for months/years at a time and never say anything but yeah that sucks and "OH god!! That happened AGAIN?" 

I will admit upfront that I have a confrontational personality, infact I enjoy confrontation. Thats the reason, when I have a fucked up neighbor we have issues. I will not be bullied. If they want to fuck around we can play. I admit it, I bitch about it, whatever.. Ican also be down right immature and vindictive. I hold grudges, I am spiteful, hateful, I hurt feelings and I think evil things on the people I HATE and yes I do HATE some people.

These are personality flaws I have had to come to terms with over the years. They are part of who I am and I cannot change them. Jesus cannot even reach them so don't even start with THAT line of rhetoric... On the other hand I am loyal in fucked up way to fault. I will cut a bitch for the people I love. I will put myself out for my people. When I love people I feel very protective of them and this translates to me being VERY overbearing. So when People I love and feel protective over have problems I feel the need to solve the problems ( I mean in my mind if they are coming to me complaining for months about this issue they are obviously having an issue solving it on their own). This leads to me overstepping my boundries and the people I love getting pissed off at me and leaving me feeling wounded and pushed aside.


I am really working on backing off most my friendships because a lot of them have been one sided. With me being the therapist/caregiver until I become over involved and then I end up hurting feelings out of frustration.

I also need to start dealing with my here and now. I am living in a constant state on denial and purposeful neglect of my own worries. It's easier for me to listen to my friends bitch than to deal with what scares me about my own life and possible recurring illness. I am starting to believe more and more I seek out these needy people to fill my life with their drama so I don't have to think about the reality of my maybe impending doom. My conclusion: The world is full of Askholes and I seek them out. That people, is one of the biggest personality flaws of all...

Hulk Smash

So i just destroyed a helpless and clueless blogger from somewhere up north. Why you may ask? Well it has to do with an old nemisis of my wingman's. This trash pile of a human being really did a number on her back in the day. Well a story popped up online about this hot gabbage and it said she was raped and murdered. After a little research,I found this to be totally false so i threw some facts at our pimp ass blogger friend who is against all kinds of violence. Ok i get that but at the same time if your gonna rave against violence you should have factual evidence to back it up right? Well, after reading this blog that threw out this wild ass scenario, I totally debunked the whole story. The bloggers answer is no she really is dead and i took the death hard. Ok. i don't want to come off as a heartless degenerate. Not the case. I've lost someone very close to me and over 11 years later its still hard. Hell i named one of my sons after said person. But this blogger never met said nemisis in person. All of his information (wait for it this is good stuff). Was gathered through an online game chat room. So i get some factual evidence together and throw it out to mr bloggy pants that says  hey, your anti violence story is totally made up. Theres PLENTY of actual domestic violence going on in this country where you don't need to make some up to pad the stats. Either that or this person is actually dumb enough to really believe his best friend from the ultra realistic game chat room actually was chat rooming him while in icu. And that she died. And that her friends keep her current facebook and pinterest accounts active (yes if i die i want someone to keep my pinterest account going. I NEED MY LEGACY DAMMIT) Ugh some people.