Personality flaws

I am a bitch. I intefer entirely to much in other people's lives. People want me to listen to their problems, hear about their issues, they ask for advice BUT they really don't want to hear the truth. They just want me to listen. I always want to help them the problem is, they don't want my help. They want to continue to be in the same situation that they are in, they just want me to listen them go on and on about their horrible predicament.


This confuses me, mostly because when I'm calling to bitch to someone I'm looking for solutions (not always help in a physical form but advice or comfort or someone to bitch alongside with me) They have a term for this -----> ASKHOLES people who are always asking for help but never take your advice and then get pissed off when you call them on it.


I deal with askholes ALL the time... It is exhausting and in the end I always feel stupid, used and like a bitch. I end up losing friends and even family members over this because I eventually wind up having enough and calling them out on this super annoying behavior. They never appreciate it when you tell them you have told them 50 times before do the something and it would solve the problem and you are not going to listen to it anymore.

Anyway I run into so many of  these people I'm starting to wonder if they are the norm and if I am the one who has something wrong with me. Perhaps I AM a complete bitch and I should just listen to people drone on and on about the same easily solved issue for months/years at a time and never say anything but yeah that sucks and "OH god!! That happened AGAIN?" 

I will admit upfront that I have a confrontational personality, infact I enjoy confrontation. Thats the reason, when I have a fucked up neighbor we have issues. I will not be bullied. If they want to fuck around we can play. I admit it, I bitch about it, whatever.. Ican also be down right immature and vindictive. I hold grudges, I am spiteful, hateful, I hurt feelings and I think evil things on the people I HATE and yes I do HATE some people.

These are personality flaws I have had to come to terms with over the years. They are part of who I am and I cannot change them. Jesus cannot even reach them so don't even start with THAT line of rhetoric... On the other hand I am loyal in fucked up way to fault. I will cut a bitch for the people I love. I will put myself out for my people. When I love people I feel very protective of them and this translates to me being VERY overbearing. So when People I love and feel protective over have problems I feel the need to solve the problems ( I mean in my mind if they are coming to me complaining for months about this issue they are obviously having an issue solving it on their own). This leads to me overstepping my boundries and the people I love getting pissed off at me and leaving me feeling wounded and pushed aside.


I am really working on backing off most my friendships because a lot of them have been one sided. With me being the therapist/caregiver until I become over involved and then I end up hurting feelings out of frustration.

I also need to start dealing with my here and now. I am living in a constant state on denial and purposeful neglect of my own worries. It's easier for me to listen to my friends bitch than to deal with what scares me about my own life and possible recurring illness. I am starting to believe more and more I seek out these needy people to fill my life with their drama so I don't have to think about the reality of my maybe impending doom. My conclusion: The world is full of Askholes and I seek them out. That people, is one of the biggest personality flaws of all...