Friday, February 8, 2013

Self Made Family

One of the advantages of getting out into the world early is meeting tons of people and in my life it's been a virtual merry-go-round of good people, interesting people, complete morons, down right crazy people and sub humanoids.

One of the most fortunate things to ever happen to me was the chance meeting of my very best good friend Michelle :D We met in a lame high school drama class and developed a very close bond that some have called co-dependent (but they're just jealous) We have been through some serious shit together and I would burn a bitch AND her kids alive inside their house for this girl, What I'm trying to say is don't fuck with my best friend.

My BFF can easily take the place of 6 or 7 maybe even 55 family members so maybe thats why when my extra flaky family decides to act out it doesn't devastate me so much as just wear me out and make me want to knock heads together.

I wish everybody was as lucky as I have been in life to have real people stand by them. Some people are surrounded by 700 Judases and zero ride or die bitches ( HA! HA! Yeah I called you that!) I have Shell who for, I can't even began to mention my affection and, how many times she has saved my life. My Jerkface cousin Shawn who has pulled me through some shit and had to listen to whine and beg him to help me run away/talk me down countless times in my younger days (Also how did he not strangle me in missouri??) and of course my husband who I swear has to be sent by some weird god of mercy. He is the most unbelieveably close thing you can to the perfect husband and I'm not bullshitting. Sometimes I just look at him and think what the fuck??? I mean he's still a Jackass, he's a man but come on.... I had to do something right, somewhere to get him.

Anyway I just wanted to give love to my supporting cast, the people always there when i'm in shambles. There are others too but these three have been there for decades and Still trudge on. They deserve a Medal. Much Love Bros

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Personality flaws

I am a bitch. I intefer entirely to much in other people's lives. People want me to listen to their problems, hear about their issues, they ask for advice BUT they really don't want to hear the truth. They just want me to listen. I always want to help them the problem is, they don't want my help. They want to continue to be in the same situation that they are in, they just want me to listen them go on and on about their horrible predicament.

This confuses me, mostly because when I'm calling to bitch to someone I'm looking for solutions (not always help in a physical form but advice or comfort or someone to bitch alongside with me) They have a term for this -----> ASKHOLES people who are always asking for help but never take your advice and then get pissed off when you call them on it.

I deal with askholes ALL the time... It is exhausting and in the end I always feel stupid, used and like a bitch. I end up losing friends and even family members over this because I eventually wind up having enough and calling them out on this super annoying behavior. They never appreciate it when you tell them you have told them 50 times before do the something and it would solve the problem and you are not going to listen to it anymore.

Anyway I run into so many of  these people I'm starting to wonder if they are the norm and if I am the one who has something wrong with me. Perhaps I AM a complete bitch and I should just listen to people drone on and on about the same easily solved issue for months/years at a time and never say anything but yeah that sucks and "OH god!! That happened AGAIN?" 

I will admit upfront that I have a confrontational personality, infact I enjoy confrontation. Thats the reason, when I have a fucked up neighbor we have issues. I will not be bullied. If they want to fuck around we can play. I admit it, I bitch about it, whatever.. Ican also be down right immature and vindictive. I hold grudges, I am spiteful, hateful, I hurt feelings and I think evil things on the people I HATE and yes I do HATE some people.

These are personality flaws I have had to come to terms with over the years. They are part of who I am and I cannot change them. Jesus cannot even reach them so don't even start with THAT line of rhetoric... On the other hand I am loyal in fucked up way to fault. I will cut a bitch for the people I love. I will put myself out for my people. When I love people I feel very protective of them and this translates to me being VERY overbearing. So when People I love and feel protective over have problems I feel the need to solve the problems ( I mean in my mind if they are coming to me complaining for months about this issue they are obviously having an issue solving it on their own). This leads to me overstepping my boundries and the people I love getting pissed off at me and leaving me feeling wounded and pushed aside.

I am really working on backing off most my friendships because a lot of them have been one sided. With me being the therapist/caregiver until I become over involved and then I end up hurting feelings out of frustration.

I also need to start dealing with my here and now. I am living in a constant state on denial and purposeful neglect of my own worries. It's easier for me to listen to my friends bitch than to deal with what scares me about my own life and possible recurring illness. I am starting to believe more and more I seek out these needy people to fill my life with their drama so I don't have to think about the reality of my maybe impending doom. My conclusion: The world is full of Askholes and I seek them out. That people, is one of the biggest personality flaws of all...

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Hulk Smash

So i just destroyed a helpless and clueless blogger from somewhere up north. Why you may ask? Well it has to do with an old nemisis of my wingman's. This trash pile of a human being really did a number on her back in the day. Well a story popped up online about this hot gabbage and it said she was raped and murdered. After a little research,I found this to be totally false so i threw some facts at our pimp ass blogger friend who is against all kinds of violence. Ok i get that but at the same time if your gonna rave against violence you should have factual evidence to back it up right? Well, after reading this blog that threw out this wild ass scenario, I totally debunked the whole story. The bloggers answer is no she really is dead and i took the death hard. Ok. i don't want to come off as a heartless degenerate. Not the case. I've lost someone very close to me and over 11 years later its still hard. Hell i named one of my sons after said person. But this blogger never met said nemisis in person. All of his information (wait for it this is good stuff). Was gathered through an online game chat room. So i get some factual evidence together and throw it out to mr bloggy pants that says  hey, your anti violence story is totally made up. Theres PLENTY of actual domestic violence going on in this country where you don't need to make some up to pad the stats. Either that or this person is actually dumb enough to really believe his best friend from the ultra realistic game chat room actually was chat rooming him while in icu. And that she died. And that her friends keep her current facebook and pinterest accounts active (yes if i die i want someone to keep my pinterest account going. I NEED MY LEGACY DAMMIT) Ugh some people.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Sick dogs....

I can't get the dogs well. The antibiotics don't work, the decongestants DON'T work. One will get well and the the other will get sick UGH!!!! I am so over snotty, sneezy, wheezing dogs and frankly I am going broke trying to get them well WTF? How long can Dog colds last? Fucking SHIT!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

So I got this thing....

Today is my 33rd birthday. I have been awake since 3am tossing and turning and finally decided to get up and drink a coke (my favorite drink) since sleeping is futile. I actually look forward to birthdays now. I plan on living for 50 more years HA! FUCK YOU---> cancer! Anyway, I have this gnawing axiety that has nothing to do with age or cancer or my birthday. It, as always is my family...I over the years have tried to wittle them down,cut them off and this past year I have disowned an entire side of them BUT my immediate three (mother,father, brother) are a piece of work. A constant changing mirage of JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

               So on this day, the day of my 33rd mutha fucking birthday god grant me this: Since you have kept me up all night with worry and wonder over these grown ass people,  please PLEASE let me sleep the sleep of the almost dead this morning (but not quite dead) and please let me wake up and my right leg not hurt. STOP LAUGHING GOD...See kids? God has a sense of humour...

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Meet us Ranters

Thought I would show a time line of the people who write the nonsense on this page. Just a couple of cousins that grew up together in Atlanta and Jacksonville Florida. I know that sounds funny to say we grew up together in different states but we did. It was a weird sibling but not sibling bondy type deal. I am grateful to have. This first pic is the recent us, me mid-breast cancer fight mode and him all Tsgt new boat happy.


This pic is from a few years back when my family had just moved back east. My wonderful cousin is the reason my husband decided to join the military and it was a great move. See Shawn you are a role model LOL!

This picture is special, It is from when we were younger and at my grandmother's house. and my baby brother Josh is in the background wearing the reindeer antlers. I miss these days.

When we little we spent A LOT of time at my grandmother's house. These are my two brothers with my cousin in the rocking chair.

And here we are as toddlers. I am so thankful to have had a life long friend. We have been close since I was in diapers and I plan for us to me that way until we are diapers again :D I am lucky to have him when I need him. Love ya dude. Now don't expect anything else mushy from me again for at least a decade LOL

Beating a dead horse

 I am so fucking frustrated... When you don't have a REAL outlet for your bullshit. you feel like chopping necks. I mean yeah, I can talk to people on the phone but I can't REALLY tell them how I feel. I can't REALLY rant online because people get all upset and I end up having to baby them about stuff that wrong with me. Thats some annoying shit. GAYNESS..
Sometimes I just want to run away. It has nothing to do with the people in my life. It is NOT their fault in anyway it's just that some days I wish I could just run and run and reach the ocean and then swim and swim.
One day I will be in the ocean one way or another. Today I just get to be frutrated and daydream about it. I did see some Seagulls in a parking lot not far from here. I wonder how they got so land locked? Perhaps I'll figure out a way to lure them to my yard and I'll have a little piece of the displaced sea here in the form of sea pigeons :D