Self Made Family

One of the advantages of getting out into the world early is meeting tons of people and in my life it's been a virtual merry-go-round of good people, interesting people, complete morons, down right crazy people and sub humanoids.

One of the most fortunate things to ever happen to me was the chance meeting of my very best good friend Michelle :D We met in a lame high school drama class and developed a very close bond that some have called co-dependent (but they're just jealous) We have been through some serious shit together and I would burn a bitch AND her kids alive inside their house for this girl, What I'm trying to say is don't fuck with my best friend.

My BFF can easily take the place of 6 or 7 maybe even 55 family members so maybe thats why when my extra flaky family decides to act out it doesn't devastate me so much as just wear me out and make me want to knock heads together.

I wish everybody was as lucky as I have been in life to have real people stand by them. Some people are surrounded by 700 Judases and zero ride or die bitches ( HA! HA! Yeah I called you that!) I have Shell who for, I can't even began to mention my affection and, how many times she has saved my life. My Jerkface cousin Shawn who has pulled me through some shit and had to listen to whine and beg him to help me run away/talk me down countless times in my younger days (Also how did he not strangle me in missouri??) and of course my husband who I swear has to be sent by some weird god of mercy. He is the most unbelieveably close thing you can to the perfect husband and I'm not bullshitting. Sometimes I just look at him and think what the fuck??? I mean he's still a Jackass, he's a man but come on.... I had to do something right, somewhere to get him.

Anyway I just wanted to give love to my supporting cast, the people always there when i'm in shambles. There are others too but these three have been there for decades and Still trudge on. They deserve a Medal. Much Love Bros

Personality flaws

I am a bitch. I intefer entirely to much in other people's lives. People want me to listen to their problems, hear about their issues, they ask for advice BUT they really don't want to hear the truth. They just want me to listen. I always want to help them the problem is, they don't want my help. They want to continue to be in the same situation that they are in, they just want me to listen them go on and on about their horrible predicament.


This confuses me, mostly because when I'm calling to bitch to someone I'm looking for solutions (not always help in a physical form but advice or comfort or someone to bitch alongside with me) They have a term for this -----> ASKHOLES people who are always asking for help but never take your advice and then get pissed off when you call them on it.


I deal with askholes ALL the time... It is exhausting and in the end I always feel stupid, used and like a bitch. I end up losing friends and even family members over this because I eventually wind up having enough and calling them out on this super annoying behavior. They never appreciate it when you tell them you have told them 50 times before do the something and it would solve the problem and you are not going to listen to it anymore.

Anyway I run into so many of  these people I'm starting to wonder if they are the norm and if I am the one who has something wrong with me. Perhaps I AM a complete bitch and I should just listen to people drone on and on about the same easily solved issue for months/years at a time and never say anything but yeah that sucks and "OH god!! That happened AGAIN?" 

I will admit upfront that I have a confrontational personality, infact I enjoy confrontation. Thats the reason, when I have a fucked up neighbor we have issues. I will not be bullied. If they want to fuck around we can play. I admit it, I bitch about it, whatever.. Ican also be down right immature and vindictive. I hold grudges, I am spiteful, hateful, I hurt feelings and I think evil things on the people I HATE and yes I do HATE some people.

These are personality flaws I have had to come to terms with over the years. They are part of who I am and I cannot change them. Jesus cannot even reach them so don't even start with THAT line of rhetoric... On the other hand I am loyal in fucked up way to fault. I will cut a bitch for the people I love. I will put myself out for my people. When I love people I feel very protective of them and this translates to me being VERY overbearing. So when People I love and feel protective over have problems I feel the need to solve the problems ( I mean in my mind if they are coming to me complaining for months about this issue they are obviously having an issue solving it on their own). This leads to me overstepping my boundries and the people I love getting pissed off at me and leaving me feeling wounded and pushed aside.


I am really working on backing off most my friendships because a lot of them have been one sided. With me being the therapist/caregiver until I become over involved and then I end up hurting feelings out of frustration.

I also need to start dealing with my here and now. I am living in a constant state on denial and purposeful neglect of my own worries. It's easier for me to listen to my friends bitch than to deal with what scares me about my own life and possible recurring illness. I am starting to believe more and more I seek out these needy people to fill my life with their drama so I don't have to think about the reality of my maybe impending doom. My conclusion: The world is full of Askholes and I seek them out. That people, is one of the biggest personality flaws of all...

Hulk Smash

So i just destroyed a helpless and clueless blogger from somewhere up north. Why you may ask? Well it has to do with an old nemisis of my wingman's. This trash pile of a human being really did a number on her back in the day. Well a story popped up online about this hot gabbage and it said she was raped and murdered. After a little research,I found this to be totally false so i threw some facts at our pimp ass blogger friend who is against all kinds of violence. Ok i get that but at the same time if your gonna rave against violence you should have factual evidence to back it up right? Well, after reading this blog that threw out this wild ass scenario, I totally debunked the whole story. The bloggers answer is no she really is dead and i took the death hard. Ok. i don't want to come off as a heartless degenerate. Not the case. I've lost someone very close to me and over 11 years later its still hard. Hell i named one of my sons after said person. But this blogger never met said nemisis in person. All of his information (wait for it this is good stuff). Was gathered through an online game chat room. So i get some factual evidence together and throw it out to mr bloggy pants that says  hey, your anti violence story is totally made up. Theres PLENTY of actual domestic violence going on in this country where you don't need to make some up to pad the stats. Either that or this person is actually dumb enough to really believe his best friend from the ultra realistic game chat room actually was chat rooming him while in icu. And that she died. And that her friends keep her current facebook and pinterest accounts active (yes if i die i want someone to keep my pinterest account going. I NEED MY LEGACY DAMMIT) Ugh some people.

Sick dogs....

I can't get the dogs well. The antibiotics don't work, the decongestants DON'T work. One will get well and the the other will get sick UGH!!!! I am so over snotty, sneezy, wheezing dogs and frankly I am going broke trying to get them well WTF? How long can Dog colds last? Fucking SHIT!

So I got this thing....

Today is my 33rd birthday. I have been awake since 3am tossing and turning and finally decided to get up and drink a coke (my favorite drink) since sleeping is futile. I actually look forward to birthdays now. I plan on living for 50 more years HA! FUCK YOU---> cancer! Anyway, I have this gnawing axiety that has nothing to do with age or cancer or my birthday. It, as always is my family...I over the years have tried to wittle them down,cut them off and this past year I have disowned an entire side of them BUT my immediate three (mother,father, brother) are a piece of work. A constant changing mirage of JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.


               So on this day, the day of my 33rd mutha fucking birthday god grant me this: Since you have kept me up all night with worry and wonder over these grown ass people,  please PLEASE let me sleep the sleep of the almost dead this morning (but not quite dead) and please let me wake up and my right leg not hurt. STOP LAUGHING GOD...See kids? God has a sense of humour...

Meet us Ranters

Thought I would show a time line of the people who write the nonsense on this page. Just a couple of cousins that grew up together in Atlanta and Jacksonville Florida. I know that sounds funny to say we grew up together in different states but we did. It was a weird sibling but not sibling bondy type deal. I am grateful to have. This first pic is the recent us, me mid-breast cancer fight mode and him all Tsgt new boat happy.

                                                                                                           

This pic is from a few years back when my family had just moved back east. My wonderful cousin is the reason my husband decided to join the military and it was a great move. See Shawn you are a role model LOL!

This picture is special, It is from when we were younger and at my grandmother's house. and my baby brother Josh is in the background wearing the reindeer antlers. I miss these days.

When we little we spent A LOT of time at my grandmother's house. These are my two brothers with my cousin in the rocking chair.

And here we are as toddlers. I am so thankful to have had a life long friend. We have been close since I was in diapers and I plan for us to me that way until we are diapers again :D I am lucky to have him when I need him. Love ya dude. Now don't expect anything else mushy from me again for at least a decade LOL

Beating a dead horse

 I am so fucking frustrated... When you don't have a REAL outlet for your bullshit. you feel like chopping necks. I mean yeah, I can talk to people on the phone but I can't REALLY tell them how I feel. I can't REALLY rant online because people get all upset and I end up having to baby them about stuff that wrong with me. Thats some annoying shit. GAYNESS..

Sometimes I just want to run away. It has nothing to do with the people in my life. It is NOT their fault in anyway it's just that some days I wish I could just run and run and reach the ocean and then swim and swim.

One day I will be in the ocean one way or another. Today I just get to be frutrated and daydream about it. I did see some Seagulls in a parking lot not far from here. I wonder how they got so land locked? Perhaps I'll figure out a way to lure them to my yard and I'll have a little piece of the displaced sea here in the form of sea pigeons :D

WInter weather in North Texas...

I am finding out that the weather here in Texas is a bitch of a mistress. None of the good nature of the south east with it's 70 degree decembers and early springs, this beast loves to have 20 degree days with 30mph winds >:/ I am chilled to the bone and house bound. The chickens don't seem to mind it, happily clucking and scratching in the tundra...

One of the dudes that work with my husband told him February is the coldest so I am stupid un-amused with the idea of another couple months of this shit. I now know I would NEVER make it in Alaska, YOU HERE ME AIRFORCE?????  I am not a winter person and this sucks... Ahhhh good thing I have a good imagination and I can day dream about my next place on earth. Three and half more years and the beaches bitches :D   (Once again AF willing lol)

Tax Dollars at work

BOOM!

Rediculousness

So Ima rant a lil. I live in Air Force housing. Yes there is certain regulations when you live in said housing. Well, sometime last year one of the residents started complaining about other peoples yards. So, housing management, being short manned and such, told this guy to take care of yard inspections. Well, ever since this rat shit human being has been on the biggest pickiest tyrade of base housing as anyone has ever seen. And housing management lets this guy just run wild and doesn't care. Well, noones really made any headway with this guy, and he just continues to write people up for the dumbest shit. Well, hes decided to try and jump on me now for a side table i have on my front porch (and ive had this thing on my front porch for well over two years now.) He states the reg says no interior furniture outside. Ok dude i get it. The military doesnt want people setting up living rooms in front yards (which i have seen a time or two). But my lil side table? Get the fuck outta here. So i emailed him today and immediately (and i seriously mean within like 15 seconds) Hes calling me at my office. O joy let the fun begin. So i ask him to show me the regulations on what DEFINES whats an indoor table and whats an outdoor table. He spews normal pencil pusher garbage about air force regs state and the military housing brochure blah blah. NO FUCKTARD that doesnt answer my question. That just says no indoor furniture outside. What DEFINES indoor furniture. So i ask him "Are you a furniture designer?" well no. "ok so what your saying is a matter of your opinion. Not fact" So he gets all snooty with me cuz obviously hes never had someone call him out quite like this. Tells me to take it to the housing office and let them decide. Fine, Ive decided. Im throwin dueces to base housing. I will not live and pay for a place that lets a yard nazi run wild and let him do whatever he wants. (Ive lived in base housing over 5 years combined in my career and ive always dealt with yard inspections. Ive never had a single writeup on my yard til this guy came along. Ive been wrote up for dumb shit like the past 6 weeks in a row. And when i call him out on a straight fact, he cant back up his answer and gets pissy with me. No thank you. Not now not ever again.) Ok last fact keep in mind this dude does not work for base housing or is no way affiliated with them. He just whined enough to the short staffed office that they said fine you do it, and then let him run loose and wont do anything about it. So in about a month, we're chuckin dueces to base housing and taking our $1317 in housing allowance with us, Will they really care? Na NOT REALLY, But it will make me feel alot better and we'll be much happier. Peace From Da DURTY DURTY

I could have boobs one day :o

Cancer took my not very impressive titties away last year. I never really thought much of them. They never got no respect. That was a mistake. As a woman you take for granted how much the world revolves around boobs. Those lumps on your chest actually define your woman-hood to the world as stupid as that sounds. Don't believe me? Just look at the blasted breast cancer slogan "Save the TATAS!" Why are we focused on saving the stupid masses of fat on our chests? Shouldn't it be "save the woman!" ?????

Anyway thats how the world works. There is no point in trying to change the fact that men love tits and women are obsessed with having the biggest set they can achieve be it through a good bra or surgery.

I have NO boobs. Just skin and ribs. I have less on my chest than any man walking around. I don't even have nipples. Just two long scars across my chest. I was told I wasn't going to be able to get reconstruction due to a number of factors so I have tried to accept that this is my new body. It is harder than you think to find clothes for a grown woman that has the chest of a six year old. I have adjusted pretty well I think and the fact I'm kinda a in the closet hippy type helps :) flowy dresses are forgiving.

Well today I met with my new surgeon again and he told me he knows an excellent plastic surgeon that, he thinks can MAYBE give me boobs.. He said it would be a process and YES it would be painful. He thinks I should wait until next year to make sure there is no recurrence and that my swelling stops occuring ect... Also I still need time to think about it. This is a big thing for me since I really hate surgery :/ and this would take more than one. I am just a bit excited to at least have the option though.

Anyway I have time to think about it and maybe by the time I live on the beach I'll look like a woman again.. MAYBE :D

As the world turns

My life these past few months seems to be kinda like a never ending re-run one day to the next. In truth I needed this. I needed a break from the constant stress and unending blender that our lives had been thrown into back in South carolina. Living in Texas has been wonderful in helping me find a sort of peace and quiet I really needed.

   Back in SC, 2012 was a nightmare it seemed like everytime I turned around something terrible was happening. Then we landed here on my own little farm in the north of Texas and life has come to a pleasant stand still.

  Thank God for the fact I have a wonderful husband that doesn't seem to mind I am pretty much a lump of human meat that moves from the bed to the couch and Wa LA! I have completed my trick! I don't get out of bed most days until after 10am. On the days I have one of my dreaded doctor appointments and must get out of bed, I usually crash before 8pm. I have been this way since we got here and it is wonderful.

   There are no horrible neighbors that bother me. I haven't had any huge medical scares (knock on wood) and I can finally raise the chickens that complete my life :) On the 15th we will have lived here 6 months. I am pleased with Texas and I really can't believe it's been 6 months already. Now if I can stay "stable" in cancer terms I oly have 3 and half more years until FLORIDA!!!! Airforce willing of course :D

Starting over

I'm starting this blog over because I failed to keep up with it last time and because I didn't really have anything to say that was particularly interesting (not that, thats changed but whatever) Mostly because sometimes I really feel like bitching and I'm sure the people on fb are pretty tired of hearing it.


A lot of things have changed in my life over the last year. We have moved from South Carolina to Texas, I became a dreaded cancer patient, my kids have all taken the giant and always mind numbingly lame leap into teenagedom, and I discovered that once again it is a mistake to trust people because people are Assholes. Unadultered ASSHOLES.... and I STARTED KEEPING CHICKENS FULL TIME:o No more foster chickens for me.

I will get more into how much it sucks to have cancer, three obnoxiously teenish boys, be surrounded by awful people who are the bottom of the shit barrel of "friends" and making a move halfway across country later. For now I just wanna bitch about the fact that I discovered that I'm probably harboring yet another rooster among my flock... I already knew that I had two (Little banty Rooster Cotton and my giant copper marans rooster Cogburn) I was pretty sure I also had a barred rock cockerel but I wasn't certain because he isn't crowing yet. Now I was looking at his sister and I'm pretty sure shes a he >:/ SO  it looks like I'll be craiglisting not one but two of my birds soon. The bright side of of my bird day was that I am now getting fertile eggs so I just have to make an incubator and I can hatch my own chicks.

Looks like my flock is all roostered up, oh well at least we still take amazing pics.